So, could you go without it for 24 hours? Part 1

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Media.  It has changed and morphed over the decades and most likely, so have we because of it.  It provides entertainment.  It allows for convenience.  It can provide employment and open up endless opportunities.   

Might we venture to say that it may also add "clutter" or "noise" to our lives.  Are we disconnected, while we are connected?

How many times have you seen a couple on a date and one of them was texting the entire time?  How often do parents communicate with their kids while they are glued to the video game on the screen?  How many moms escape the busyness of life through excessive social media? 

I think we would be astounded by the answers?  Is our media saturated culture hurting our relationships? 


Would you consider yourself any of the following:

Information Glutton

Entertainment Junkie

Gung-ho Gamer

Facebook Fanatic

T.V.  Addict

Texting Queen/King



Parents, would your family look differently if everyone went unplugged from all forms of media for 24 hours?  Would there be more conversation?  More quality time?  More laughter? More connection? More learning? More sleep? 

It's probably safe to say that most families would...so why not give it a try?!  We would like to offer you this challenge (our families included) of a 24 hour media free period.  Decide on a convenient time when everyone can go unplugged for 24 hours and see what unfolds.  

If you decide to take on this challenge, we would love to hear your responses and the creative ways you spent your time.

Is it about the win or the way we play the game?!

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Most parents pride themselves in their children - in their accomplishments, their life milestones, their successes.  We put our kids on the proverbial shelf for the world to see, when we are proud of them.  Social media sites are inundated daily with pictures and posts about "Johnny's" touchdown or "Sally's" straight A's.  

Quite obviously, there is NOTHING wrong with being proud of our children and affirming them.  If we aren't careful, however, it's possible for our motives to become unhealthy and geared towards performance-based parenting.  

We can easily cause our kids to expend their time and energy in trying to please us and fulfilling our dreams and needs instead and completely lose who they are and who they were meant to be.  

You may have noticed the increase over the last several years in the news reports and Youtube videos of enraged parents at sports events and activities.  Some have been escorted out of arenas and courts.  Others have been involved in physical altercations with other parents or coaches.  What message is this sending to the plethora of young eyes watching?!

Are we focusing on success alone or are we encouraging our kids to develop character? Are we teaching them to operate in integrity, honesty, sportsmanship and compassion in their studies and extra curricular activities? Are we encouraging them to develop their personal talents, strengths and ambitions?

Ted Cunningham, author of Trophy Child, breaks down the many faces of "trophy parenting" in some of the following ways:

Vanity Parenting - using a child's accomplishments and attributes to impress family and friends

Perfection Parenting - raising the bar too high

Competitive Parenting - compares the strengths and weaknesses of her child to that of other children

ROI Parenting - looks for a "return on investment' from sports and activities

Some questions we parents may want to ask ourselves:

Do we expect our children to fulfill our personal ambitions?  

Are we really concerned at how our kids play the "game" or only if they win or become the best?

Are we OK with our kids pursuing ambitions that are very different from what we had in mind for them?

National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month

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October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month.  For most parents, the thought of their child being bullied is a nightmare.  Unfortunately, this nightmare has become a reality to many families.  Recent statistics show that 1 out of 4 kids is bullied.  8% of students miss 1 day of class per month for fear of bullies.  282,000 students are physically attacked in secondary schools each month. (see full report here).

There is so much to know about bullying.  As parents, we must ask ourselves questions like:  Is my child a victim of bullying?  Is my child a bully?  How can I differentiate between teasing and harmful bullying?  Am I modeling behaviors that are considered bullying to or in front of my child?

It is also very important that parents keep communication open with their kids in order know what is going on in their lives and if they are being affected by bullying in any way and if.  Bullying can take many forms such as: physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, cyberbullying and hazing.  Below are some warning signs to look out for. 

Signs a Child is Being Bullied:

(from stopbullying.gov)

• Unexplainable injuries

• Lost or destroyed clothing, books, electronics, or jewelry

• Frequent headaches or stomach aches, feeling sick or faking illness

• Changes in eating habits, like suddenly skipping meals or binge eating. Kids may come home from school hungry because they did not eat lunch.
• Difficulty sleeping or frequent nightmares
• Declining grades, loss of interest in schoolwork, or not wanting to go to school
• Sudden loss of friends or avoidance of social situations
• Feelings of helplessness or decreased self esteem
• Self-destructive behaviors such as running away from home, harming themselves, or talking about suicide

Signs a Child is Bullying Others

(from stopbullying.gov)

• Get into physical or verbal fights
• Have friends who bully others
• Are increasingly aggressive
• Get sent to the principal’s office or to detention frequently
• Have unexplained extra money or new belongings
• Blame others for their problems
• Don’t accept responsibility for their actions
• Are competitive and worry about their reputation or popularity

Also, check out one of our past posts on sibling bullying here.

Stay informed. Keep lines of communication open with your kids.  Let's work together to stop this harmful epidemic. 

For more information on bullying, check out the following sites:

stopbullying.gov
stompoutbullying.org
loveourchildrenusa.org

Porn - harmless or destructive?

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Is pornography just harmless curiosity or a destructive habit?

In our last post, we discussed the importance of parents' involvement in what and who is influencing their kids.  This week, we want to focus on pornography, specifically.

Are you up to date on the extent and severity of the effects of porn on young people and adults in our modern society?  Maybe you or your family have even dealt with or have been affected by this epidemic, personally. 

Let us reveal some pretty surprising statistics for you.  A site called Family Safe Media has gathered the following data:

• every second, $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography
• the average age of first Internet exposure to pornography is 11
• 90% of 8-16 year olds having viewed porn online (most while doing homework)
• 80% of 15-17 year olds having multiple hard-core exposures
• every second, 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography
• 87% of boys and 57% of girls see group sex online before the age of 18 (source link)

In this recent article from the U.K.s' Mail Online, ironically, a former editor of Loaded Magazine (a "gentlemen's" magazine) discusses his new found disgust and dismay on the severity of this issue. He was asked to take part in a discussion with 20 boys and girls ages 13-14 who were asked to label all the sexual terms that they knew from A-Z, no matter how explicit.  The adults in the room were shocked to find out that they didn't even know what many of the terms meant and that most of these young people had learned them from online exposure. 

The article also describes a major problem with young people and porn.  "The brain's reward centre is fully developed by the time we're teenagers, but the part of the brain that regulates our urges - the pre-frontal cortex - isn't fully developed until our mid-20s. The brains of teenagers are not wired to say 'stop', they are wired to want more. The implications of this study are profoundly troubling."

The article goes on to say, "If porn does have the insidious power to be addictive, then letting our children consume it freely via the internet is like leaving heroin lying around the house, or handing out vodka at the school gates.  And this toxic effect is filtering down directly into young girls' lives."

This article and many other sources go beyond the statistics and describe the destructive effects that porn can have on relationships, jobs, finances, and lifestyle.

Remember parents - avoiding a subject won't prevent it from happening and definitely doesn't mean it isn't already effecting your child.

Young people are very technologically savvy these days.  Many toddlers can even teach their grandparents how to navigate through the internet and mobile devices.  While many parents and guardians may not have the technological know how as their kids/teens do, there are definitely guidelines that can be put in place to help prevent or lessen the possibility of exposure.

Below are some boundaries that may be helpful:

* Avoid having televisions and computers in kid's bedrooms.
* Require kids to turn in mobile devices before bedtime (to prevent night 
   time web surfing).
* Implement some type of parental controls or guardian software on 
   Internet and television use.
* Be mindful of the types of magazines and advertisements (that may 
   appear harmless) that are in your house and that come in the mail.

Who's looking out for your teen, really?

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So, maybe you are a parent who is all over the supervision thing with your teen. You know their friends and their friend's parents.  You keep tabs on where your child spends their time and with whom.

However, have you thought about the other people that your teen may be "spending time with" and being heavily influenced by.  The musical artists, actors, models, authors, celebrities, and magazine editors.  This may sound silly, since most of those people are considered  "untouchable" to the normal crowd.  Yet, many young people are spending ample time listening to their advice, ways of thinking, views on sex/relationships, lifestyle, their worldview and value of life (or lack thereof).

In this blog post, Brian Graves specifically talks about the negative effects of music as it reads, "Most children between ages 2 and 18 spend upwards of seven hours a day ingesting some sort of media, " says Susan Buttross, MD, FAAP, chief of child development and behavioral pediatrics at the University of Mississippi and spokeswoman for the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).  Seven hours is more time than some young people spend do anything else such as homework, family time and even school.  That's a lot of media

In another blog post written by a mother who took interest in her teenage son's school literature book, she was quite surprised to find the content of a school literature choice utterly disturbing.  She described the book, which was approved by the school board, as pornographic.  You can check out the full post here. (warning:explicit)

On another note, in a recent survey by the Federal Trade Commission, it was found that 47% of 13-16 year olds were able to purchase music with Parental Advisory labels, 24% purchased tickets to R-rated movies and 30% bought R-rated DVDs.

Do we really know what our young people are listening to, watching on T.V. and searching online?  Do we know who is influencing them on a daily basis?   Media has a very loud voice in the lives of today's young people. As parents, it's crucial that we get involved in the media choices of our children.  It's our job to monitor and approve these choices.  No one else is looking out for our kids.  We cannot leave it in the hands of school boards, teachers, Parental Advisory labels, iTunes and Youtube.

Do you have ongoing conversations with your kids/teens about their media choices?  Do you have a system worked out with them by which you monitor and/or approve these choices?