Most parents pride themselves in their children - in their accomplishments, their life milestones, their successes. We put our kids on the proverbial shelf for the world to see, when we are proud of them. Social media sites are inundated daily with pictures and posts about "Johnny's" touchdown or "Sally's" straight A's.
Quite obviously, there is NOTHING wrong with being proud of our children and affirming them. If we aren't careful, however, it's possible for our motives to become unhealthy and geared towards performance-based parenting.
We can easily cause our kids to expend their time and energy in trying to please us and fulfilling our dreams and needs instead and completely lose who they are and who they were meant to be.
You may have noticed the increase over the last several years in the news reports and Youtube videos of enraged parents at sports events and activities. Some have been escorted out of arenas and courts. Others have been involved in physical altercations with other parents or coaches. What message is this sending to the plethora of young eyes watching?!
Are we focusing on success alone or are we encouraging our kids to develop character? Are we teaching them to operate in integrity, honesty, sportsmanship and compassion in their studies and extra curricular activities? Are we encouraging them to develop their personal talents, strengths and ambitions?
Ted Cunningham, author of Trophy Child, breaks down the many faces of "trophy parenting" in some of the following ways:
Vanity Parenting - using a child's accomplishments and attributes to impress family and friends
Perfection Parenting - raising the bar too high
Competitive Parenting - compares the strengths and weaknesses of her child to that of other children
ROI Parenting - looks for a "return on investment' from sports and activities
Some questions we parents may want to ask ourselves:
Do we expect our children to fulfill our personal ambitions?
Are we really concerned at how our kids play the "game" or only if they win or become the best?
Are we OK with our kids pursuing ambitions that are very different from what we had in mind for them?
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